theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
