I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
