What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
