I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
