There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
