i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
