I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
