why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize