I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
