I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
