i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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