Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
