at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
3pm strippers are depressing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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