I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
