I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
