So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
