Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
