Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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