Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
