the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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