I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
