vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
