i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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