Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
