Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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