Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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