These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my shit smells like andre
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
