Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
