just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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