Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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