So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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