Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
