he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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