operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
