Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
