Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
