I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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