This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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