If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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