How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
