Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
