Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
