I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
