I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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