you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
