Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
