We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
