I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
