I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
