It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
