i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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