Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
