apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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