Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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