I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
