I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize