She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize