so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
