who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
