SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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