I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
