this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
