this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
