Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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