Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
