Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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