Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
