I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
