Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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