I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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