my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
