It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Boobs are out for the taking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
