I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
