I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
