i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
