My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
