your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
