morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
