i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
