If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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