who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
