I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
