she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize