A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
