Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still dying that you shit outside
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
