I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
