It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
