I CAN MOONWALK!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we're so committed to being not committed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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