i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize