SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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