So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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