xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
