rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize