Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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