i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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