I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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