In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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