it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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