I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My breasts were aching with rage.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
