blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
