Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dignity is for republicans.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
