apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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