Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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