Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
