Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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