oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
