just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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