FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
