I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
