That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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