he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
