An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
